BOLOGNA

No, really.......BOLOGNA.

YUMMY!

It's true, I love a bologna sandwich, white bread, French's mustard....I'm all set.

But to share my culinary delight with others, it's as if you just shared:  "I'm fond of kicking toddlers".  People are disgusted (rightfully so with the toddler thing), and I GET IT....I mean, I know that Bologna is kinda dicey in the "ingredients" department.  An interesting line from Wikipedia on Bologna:   'U.S. government regulations require American bologna to be finely ground,^[2] and without visible pieces of lard.'

OK, so while I have become used to the blatant discrimination leveled upon bologna sympathizers, (and I am an ex-smoker, so I KNOW what I am talking about), I have to bring to task a certain friend who is unabashedly a bologna hater.....let's just call her FLOSSIE for the sake of this story.

FLOSSIE and I were together in the car on a recent weekend road-trip, catching up, sharing stories and insights into what is happening in our lives...mostly we laughed, sometimes we cried.  It was during one of these moments that I shared with FLOSSIE that I had recently had the opportunity to have a bologna sandwich as a sort of "brunch" item at work; that is, it was eaten after 10, but before noon.  I thought I could share this with FLOSSIE, I felt "safe" in that car at that moment.  FLOSSIE recoiled in disgust.  I paraphrase, but she said something to the tune of:  "OOH THAT'S GROSS, THAT'S DISGUSTING"", and then she sort of shivered.

It was THEN that I had the flash back to all those many years ago.  

THIS is a TRUE STORY.  Circa 1990...

FLOSSIE and I along with 2 other girlfriends, all recent college graduates, were living in a 4 bedroom apartment in Brighton MA.   It was the first apartment FLOSSIE and I shared,  and for the most part, the first time we had all lived outside the dorm life. Which means it was the first time we had shared kitchens.  It was there that FLOSSIE and I learned of our divergent thoughts regarding bologna.  

Things came to a head one night.  

I was MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS, assembling a bologna sandwich in the kitchen, when that BUSY BODY FLOSSIE came into the kitchen and proclaimed AGAIN how vile the bologna product is.  At my breaking point, I CHASED FLOSSIE with a piece of bologna as my weapon/protector around tiny circles .....kitchen, dining, living, kitchen, dining, living, etc.....until it came to a head when she became cornered in the kitchen.  It was THEN that I tossed said bologna into her general direction....as if on gossamer wings, the Bologna floated across the room and landed MAGICALLY between the eyeball of FLOSSIE and her eyeglass lens.  Almost as if she were a BOLOGNA PIRATE with a BOLOGNA PATCH.

It was a wonder to behold...and that really is a true story.